There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
