turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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