Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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