Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
