so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
