Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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