Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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