I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
