Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I will pee on everything he values.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize