just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
