They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
