someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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