Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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