It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
