Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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