Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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