Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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