So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
