We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
