Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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