Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
