last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
