What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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