I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
