dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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