So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
