so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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