Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
