Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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