I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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