saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
