I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
