The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im holly from the hills drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dear god my vagina.
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