Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
