So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize