sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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