fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
