I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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