hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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