We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
grandma shit on top of the toilet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
