so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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