That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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