Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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