party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
