well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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