what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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