When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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