im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
