Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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