Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She announced her abortion via fbk
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
