great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
