This dress was meant to end up on your floor
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
