I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
