Apparently you make a good broom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
