He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
