his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
