I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize