Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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