I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
