Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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