U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
