I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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