my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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