they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
