was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Even my vagina gasped.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
