I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
