I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
