I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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