ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize