He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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