absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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