i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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