WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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