she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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