Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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