pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize